Why we so often overreact – and how to deal with it constructively

When the new season of The White Lotus started at the beginning of this year, not everyone was happy. Not so much because the first episode was disappointing, the biggest excitement was the opening tune: composer Cristobal Tapia de Veer had dared to leave out the choirs from the previous two seasons. “This literally ruined my entire weekend,” someone wrote on Reddit.

Apart from the question of whether we should take the word literal literally here, this reaction is typical of our time: we can get very excited about the smallest things. Sometimes it seems as if there are only two ways to react somewhere: not at all or exaggeratedly.

In the article Are You Overreacting in The New Yorker, journalist Joshua Rothman wonders where this tendency to exaggerate comes from and how to deal with it. We live in provocative times and are constantly confronted with opinions and situations that offend us. Social media rewards exaggerated reactions with hearts and thumbs up. The greater the indignation, the greater the commitment. If we come across something in real life that bothers us, we postpone our reaction until we can go wild online. Or we go straight over the top.

Solution 1: Let it go, let it go

Meanwhile, we find it increasingly difficult to judge whether the feelings we experience are justified or exaggerated. Hence, Rothman writes, more and more people are seeking refuge in Stoic philosophy and especially mindfulness. This teaches you to accept that you are experiencing an emotion, without immediately getting absorbed in it. “You can watch the train leave the station without getting on board yourself,” a mindfulness instructor sums it up. For example, you experience anger and notice that you are angry, but then you don’t do anything about it. ‘Let it go, let it go’, Elsa sang in Frozen.

Solution 2: the reaction as a seismograph

Another way to look at your own reactions is to use them as indicators. Based on the idea that emotions are there for a reason. They have use. So maybe you should just let them pass. Jealousy, for example, can make you try harder. Anger can be used to challenge injustice. Sadness to seek or offer comfort. Do you notice a tendency to go into overdrive? Then you should not ignore this, but rather use it as a kind of seismograph. By asking yourself: was this a constructive response? If so, great! If not, the next question arises: am I doing it in the right way and am I in the right place here?

“You can see the train leaving the station without getting on board yourself.”

After which you can start thinking about the question of what would have been a constructive response. And what you should change about yourself or your situation to ensure that you are more balanced in the future. You can do that on your own. Or with the help of a professional.

At Buddy, we help you turn exaggerated reactions into constructive signals. Discover how a coach can support you in this.